Birthday Boy :)

This time last year....(Part Four)

This day or so last year was my breaking point and included some of the most painful hours of my life. I was finally feeling like Matt and I had come to terms with the Down Syndrome diagnosis when everything sort of crashed around us. The evening I was sent home from the hospital without my baby was a horrible experience. There is nothing to quite describe the pain I felt (physical and emotional) while being rolled out of the nursery and then hospital without my little boy. In addition to the pain, post-pregnancy hormones alone are a cruel torture. They are 3483954743 times stronger, more irrational, and just plain nuts than anything I felt during pregnancy. Yuck. 
 
That night was restless...getting up every two hours to pump and making the call to the hospital to check on Parker was exhausting. He wasn't getting any better, and I was having major issues with being away from him-- but couldn't physically stay at the hospital while recovering from a c-section. The next day, we found out Parker would need an IV in his head to get fluids to his body...which would require NICU time. We also found out about him having Klinefelter Syndrome. That last diagnosis was the last straw for me. I broke down so badly in the hospital that the doctors and nurses sent the social worker back to make sure I was okay. I had no idea what this meant for Parker, and even said aloud..."What kind of life is this baby going to have?" 

As with any traumatic event in life, part of healing is "reliving" the moments so that you can move on and heal. That day is still one that I am working myself through memory by memory.  It seems silly to feel that way when so many mommies go home without their babies, or have terrible situations to deal with, but it was traumatic for me nonetheless.

Even though we have our tough days, I am starting to see exactly what kind of life Parker has and will have. He is loved, supported, and protected by so many people. There is never going to be a day where I don't have a fleeting thought --pleading and begging God to make his life easier, but I will do everything in my power to give him every opportunity I can. 

I am so thankful that I am the one lucky enough to be Parker's Mommy. He is the most beautiful boy in the world...

Happy Birthday to Parker!

This time last year....(Part Three)

This time last year....we were finding out that Parker has Down Syndrome.  I have so many vivid memories of that half hour.  One of the doctors from the pediatric office we chose came in and told us...and in hindsight, it was hard for me to grasp how hard of a job that must be...to tell people something that will totally alter the way they live their lives.  I remember that I felt like he was talking forever...and that I really needed him to leave so I could cry.  I remember bursting into tears, which hurt my C-section incision so bad!  I remember Matt and I separating so we could call our parents.  I could hear him crying in the bathroom telling his mom while I was calling mine to do the same.  I remember holding Parker so tight, in part wanting to rewind to 12 hours before when he was still inside of me so that I could protect him from the world.  

Most of all, I remember the huge waves of love, adoration, and fierce protection that kept washing over me, like I needed to shield him.

Within a few hours, we had family surrounding us near and far, and helping us build our strength and bravery again.  We had about two days of peace...learning about our baby, having our first successful meal; getting to know our baby boy.  My victory on those days being a great milk supply and being able to feel like I could provide for him!

My last day in the hospital and the 3 days after were actually harder for us than the day we found out about Down Syndrome....more to come later!

This time last year....(Part Two)

This time last year, we were getting ready to celebrate Matt's birthday and Thanksgiving!  I had started having what I later realized were contractions that afternoon.  I ignored them for a while, as they were totally atypical compared to everything I had been taught and read about.  They were in my back, and lasted for 3-5 minutes at a time every 15 minutes or so.  They got a bit stronger throughout the day and through the night, but did none of the "get stronger, faster, and longer over time" stuff.  By Thanksgiving dinner, I was fairly uncomfortable during those 3-5 minutes, but kept ignoring them, waiting for a more clear "sign."  How sweet of Parker to let his Mama enjoy Thanksgiving :)


I didn't sleep much that night, and went straight to the doctor the following morning.  It is a visit I will never forget, and one that the office remembers me for every time I go in!  I apparently was already far through the labor process...and went into the doctor that morning at about 5-6 centimeters!  At that point...I realized that November 23rd would be Parker's birthday!  Admittedly, we (and all of the doctors) thought that it would be much earlier in the day than expected, but it still ended up being that day!

I have gotten to the point where I can reflect on memories up to the point of Parker being born with excitement.  The hour before his birth and the 15 hours or so afterwards were the hardest of my life, both physically and emotionally.  Watching his heart rate drop to zero on the monitor with the last few times the doctors let me try to push was heart-wrenching for Matt, I'm sure .  The C-Section itself was anxiety-riddled, uncomfortable, and the meds made it seem like FOREVER.  Matt still tells me, to this day, that it really was only about an hour in total.

Matt could immediately tell when Parker was born that something was "up."  The nurses were huddled and whispering, Parker's cry wasn't the same as the other babies in the nursery, and he even saw the nurses give the sign of the cross in the elevator while transferring Parker to the nursery.  For me, I was totally numb and oblivious.  I hate that I was so out of it.  The whole night was somewhat of a blur.

In those moments, I couldn't get over the fact that Parker had blonde hair, or the fact that it felt like 9348509435834 hours before I got to see him.  I snuggled him as much as I could while recovering that night, and thought of nothing beyond being near him.


Throughout the whole day, Morgan was a complete blessing.  She was there every second, and stuck around until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore after having Parker.  Mom and Dad Preis and Michelle and Sean stayed all day to meet the newest family member.  I was so thankful to be surrounded by everyone, but also exhausted to the core from the whole experience.

In truth, I can't wait for another chance to go through the birth of a baby.  I can imagine how much more exciting it will be the 2nd time around when you know what the end result is, versus completely terrifying.  There is truly nothing like the love a Mommy has for her baby. 

This time last year....(Part One)

The "at this time last year" thoughts have pushed through the flood gates and are just washing over me!  I rocked Parker to sleep just now (3 hours late, thank-you-very-much-teething!), and thought back to all of the emotions I was feeling a week and a day before Parker was born.  I had anxiety about his well-being, not really knowing what was to lie ahead, and such excitement.  I LOVED every doctor's appointment, and relished in the idea of being closer to becoming a Mommy.  I felt such accomplishment with every week of pregnancy I got through.  Six days before he was born, I was told that I "wouldn't make it to the next appointment."  I was so excited, sitting at work, wondering when it would finally happen.  

This time last year, I couldn't have possibly imagined how much richer my life would become.  I love that Parker's birthday is in November...it is the month of Thanks.  There is nothing I could possibly do to express my gratitude and thankfulness that out of all of the people on this Earth, I am the one lucky enough to be Parker's Mommy.  It is the hardest and most amazing experience of my life.

This time last year...I was dreaming of how life would be with my baby boy.  My life is nothing like that one that I was imagining...and on some scarce days, that is hard for me to grasp or accept.  But I was given the life that's meant for me.  And in that life, my baby boy
is everything.  

The Manoni "greats"

Last weekend, Parker got to spend some (long overdue) time with his Great-Grandma Manoni, Great-Grandpa Manoni, Great-Uncle Ken, Great-Auntie Kim, Nonna, Grandpa, Auntie Morg, & Auntie Mal.  That's a lot of "great!"

He got to show off his "scooting" skills, his big-huge smile, and consuming blue eyes!  He got special stories a-la cousin Khloie, and of course, tons of snuggles.

The guys even got a chance to play cribbage together!

We had a great time!