Fall School Photos

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Well Hello, Fall

Fall has been crazy so far.  We've delved into investigating how my body is working, which is always a little anxiety inducing.  At this point, I have some "ovulatory dysfunction" and will likely need some intervention with medicine and such to move forward.  We will keep pushing forward!

Parker has had a really challenging start to the school year.  We were SO celebratory with him giving up bottles in September, but it feels a little like things crashed all around us after that.  Our current theory is that, by losing bottles, Parker has lost the little decompression time he had throughout the day.  Kind of like all of your work breaks being taken from you without warning.  Occasional or even rare extreme behaviors from him have exploded into becoming normal, every day issues.  He is hitting and kicking people, clearing off any surface he can reach (imagine the school lunch table with kids learning how to pour their own milk), and screaming whenever there is an audience or potential for an echo.  He is adorable, and does all of these things with a giant smile on his face, but it is exhausting.  For us at home, it is frustrating us to the max, so we can empathize with teachers who have 17 other kids to worry about.

We immediately convened all of Parker's support systems, and brought on a behavioral therapist to try and help us problem solve.  So far, we haven't found anything that can put a dent in the near constant behavioral challenges.  Parker is deep in sensory overload, and is just taking stabs at things in his environment to see if he can control anything.

We've hit that dreaded point, where daycare is requiring an aid for Parker to continue.  And we are, again, panicking.  This time, though, we know in our hearts that the daycare has tried everything they know how to do.  The sad thing is that daycares are still businesses. And businesses inherently don't want to spend extra money on kids.  So, the daycare has done everything they know how to do (except for anything that might cost extra, like a companion or aid).  Thus, we are left with leaving, or paying an aid out of our own pockets, at a minimum of $50 per day.  This essentially would almost double the cost we pay for daycare per month.

We are at a loss in some ways.  We only have one kid, as nature has so cruelly reminded us of this fall.  With our work and commutes, we need a nanny for 50 hours per week.  If we had more kids, a nanny would be a bargain, but we don't.  So for us, paying for a nanny would be the same amount as paying for an aid plus daycare.  Thankfully, a few people have told us about our local Park District, which is required to accommodate for kids with special needs through government regulations, and is actually a smidge cheaper than our current daycare.  IF they have space mid-year, and IF we can get the volunteer companion they offer, we might be okay.  If not, we are going to be stuck paying the same amount as our mortgage on childcare for ONE child.

The same fury flows through me at this situation as it did the last time we are in it.  Except this time, there are no more daycares to fall back on if the park district falls through.  We will be forced to remove Parker from a learning opportunity with his peers because no systems exist for kids like him in our situation.  I keep having people say to me that I should be the inventive one to create that safe place for kids with special needs.  And that can honestly be crushing.  I'm honored that anyone believes I could take that on, but frankly, I'm tired.  I love my job. I love my family. Why should I have to sacrifice those things to build a system that should already exist?  Selfish, I know, but still true.

With a November birthday, Parker has another year and nine months in some kind of childcare setting.  Here's to hoping we can find something that works for him, and stay put for once.

Time is Flying

It has been a while (again) since I've written here. In some ways, I just haven't known what to say.  The school year began in whirlwind form personally, and then ramped up all around. Some of this post will be TMI, but honestly, I think that is okay.  While I am much less angry about it now, I feel like so much of the pain that comes with pregnancy, pregnancy loss, and fertility is silent.  That bothers me. I'll admit, though, that I am less angry about the silence because I understand how different the grief process is for everyone now.  I also understand that there are people who have never even remotely had to worry about pregnancy, and that their comments can be hard to handle. I know, because I used to be one of those people. More than anything, I've learned that SO many people go through this, and that it hurts for everyone.  The compassion that I have witnessed is so reassuring.

With no real direction from my OB-GYN, and some research, Matt and I decided that our coping mechanism would be to try again.  With excitement and a healthy dose of skepticism, we found out I was pregnant again right after our genetic counseling appointment (ironically).  That was a Tuesday.  By the weekend, I knew something wasn't quite right.  In short, different brands of pregnancy tests have different sensitivities, so I could tell that my hormone levels weren't rising fast enough.  By the following Monday morning, all of my tests were negative.  Soon after, the bleeding started again.  Just in time for my OB-GYN blood work.  By then, I had already accepted what had happened.  I met with one of the doctors in my practice in a conversation I don't know that I'll ever forget.  She told me that my body probably just hadn't recovered from the last one yet, and that since everything happened so fast, "they wouldn't count this one as a miscarriage," and would consider it a chemical pregnancy.  I left that appointment feeling like it was my fault for not having waited long enough.  By discounting the current pregnancy, this doctor felt like she was sparing me heartache, but instead, I felt to blame.

Because of my PCOS, I see an endocrinologist who also happens to specialize in reproduction.  I am so thankful for her.  I met with her the same week as the "chemical pregnancy" was ending, and she was visibly frustrated with the way my OB handled everything.  She let us know that this was in no way our fault, and that my body had plenty of time to recover and do its job.  She considers my 2nd pregnancy a miscarriage, or at least uses the term interchangeably with chemical pregnancy.  We made a plan for how to take a deeper look at everything going on with my body, and actually listened to what I had to say.

The point is that your words, tone, and time all make a difference to people.  I now believe in the spirit and possibility of a "rainbow baby" and hope that ours isn't too far out of reach.

Progress Feels So Good!

We had a lot of progress as a family this weekend.  Emotionally, we are recovering, and enjoyed some normalcy.  We took Parker to the O.A.R. concert at Ravinia Festival on Sunday, and to the pool one last time today.  We are thankful for the time as a family-- especially with one extra day to heal our hearts and feel the sun on our faces.

Today, Parker made HUGE progress.  First, we have been working SO hard on drinking from cups. I wrote about this in a post over the summer-- but Ms. Deanna's aquarium tubing straw idea has officially caught on.  Parker drank at least 4 ounces of chocolate Pediasure tonight at dinner...in less than 5 minutes!  He was even breathing in through his nose so he could continue swallowing without a break.  Proud Mama!  Now, the trick will be getting him to do this with water :)

Secondly, Parker has been obsessed with books at night for the last few weeks (the teacher in me is swooning at this).  Every night, we end our book reading with "Parker's Night Night Book" that was customized for him by Grandma and Grandpa Preis.  We LOVE it.  It has simple, rhyming phrases, cute illustrations, and is customized to fit Parker's life.  One night a few weeks ago, Parker surprised us by recognizing the illustration of a slide on one of the pages.  He bounced his little finger up the ladder and down the slide, saying "two...three...gooooo!" We were stunned and so excited.  Parker has been identifying a new illustration each week.  After slide was ball, then "bep" (bed), then star, and tonight was house.  That elated feeling of him "getting it" will never go away for me.  Matt and I are SO proud of everything he is accomplishing.  And the fact that he does it all with this mischievous, sweet smile is a lesson for us all about how to live life.  Love this boy.

 

8 Days Later

We are finally at a place where our feelings aren't so raw, after 8 days.  My deepest respect goes out to every mommy that has gone through this, or who would give anything to be pregnant.  The last 8 days have been a lesson in being thankful for what we have.  We have a beautiful boy, a home we adore with two crazy dogs, meaningful careers, and family and friends that we love.  I am focusing on that, and on remembering to be mindful of hardships that everyone has. 

I think sometimes social media, as much as I love it, gives us this false impression of what life is like.  We only present the happiest, cutest parts of our lives.  And while I appreciate that because it cheers me up on challenging days, I do wish we could better support one another through the challenges in life too.  I know I have a lot to learn by having more empathy for others.  Talking about this with people in my every day life naturally brings up conversations about their hardships as well.  I wish there were more opportunities to openly discuss those things, because they make up who we are, and conversations, at least for me, help me process events and move forward in my own life, and learn how to be a better support for people I care about.  I digress...

Beyond lots of introspection this weekend, we are hoping to get back to normal life.  We plan to go to go see a show at the Ravinia outdoor theater, hopefully spend some time at the pool before it closes, put our house back together after a serious lack of cleaning, and just rest and relax together.  

This is my happy place:

One Step Forward...

Wednesday: One of the hardest things about dealing with miscarriage is how long it takes the body to move forward.  Like I said in my last post, it is this inescapable reminder of what will no longer be.  I hate it, and am so angry and hurt about it.  I will be so happy to be through the next week, when (hopefully) the physical part is done.  The other part that will be done is the "last week at this time" types of thoughts.  Last week at this time....I couldn't have a drink on our date night and wasn't one bit upset about it.  Last week at this time, I was missing sushi a little bit, but couldn't eat it.  I definitely had it for lunch today, though :)  Once I get through the next week, I think I will have found more peace, despite the lack of closure we will always have about the Whys and the What Ifs.

Because 50% of miscarriages are related to some chromosomal issue, we made an appointment through a different hospital system to have a karyotype screening, which is a blood test for Matt and I to check our genes and hereditary possibilities for certain special needs.  In the past, we were told that Parker was just a fluke.  At this point, we would just like to be sure that everything is okay with both of us.  It will never tell us with 100% certainty that everything will be fine "next time," should we be so lucky to have a next time.  But, it will at least give us information we have been seeking.

I keep trying to find the lesson in all of this.  The take-away.  I can't.  It has only been a few days since all of this started, so I recognize that I'm not far enough removed from it to see the big picture.  The one thing I have learned is that a LOT of people go through this in silence.  I haven't broadcast it, but the people that are closest to me at work have asked where I've been the last few days.  I am the world's worst liar first of all, but second of all, I hate the silence of this process.  Out of the 6-7 people I have told, 3 of them had miscarriages directly themselves or in their own family, and every single one of them has an extended family member or close friend (many of whom are other co-workers of mine) that have been through this too.  That is an incredible, heart-breaking statistic.

The bottom line is that we will be okay, and we will move on.  We have our happy family, and are hopeful to have more kids in the future.  We will be that much more thankful, then.

Learning to trust your instincts...even when they can't protect your heart.

"The best way to fight quiet is to talk. The best way to fight fear is with information." - Fatherly, from The Mighty

As a disclaimer, I know this is a taboo topic. Women's stories are all over Internet forums, but I almost never see anyone I know publicly share this.  I'm doing so because writing is my therapy, and because the fact that something so common is so hushed drives me crazy.

Written Saturday... 

Some people are so in tune with their gut instincts that they are confidently lead to the path or decision that feels right in such a solid way.  I've never really been like that--in fact, I sometimes envy those people.  I admittedly have a pessimist's mind, mainly for self-preservation.  I fight to have a "growth mindset" every single day.  So when I get little niggling thoughts, I often ignore them or misread them.  When I was pregnant with Parker, I had this feeling that something was wrong. I've written about it before, but in short, what I felt like was risk of miscarriage really turned out to be risk of a different life than we had imagined.  

2 weeks and one day ago, we found out (very early) that I was pregnant.  Parker is almost 4, and we've intentionally, maybe wisely, maybe foolishly, waited until we were stable enough in our lives with him to grow our family. We were nervous, and ecstatic.  Because I was really only 3 weeks and 2 days pregnant, we waited to tell our families.  By last weekend, our sisters and parents all knew- which was lovely- their excitement was so palpable.  But for whatever reason, for the last week or so, I had unfounded anxiety about bleeding.  I checked every time I went to the restroom, nearly holding my breath each time, but still so excited with every day that passed.  

This weekend was going to be packed. Thursday night, my cousin from NJ and his friend came into town. We had a great evening, and were planning to drive together Friday afternoon to Ohio for my mom's birthday.  At work, I was anxious for the day to be over so I could be with and celebrate with family.  Except that morning, my fears were realized, and I saw a small clot of blood in the bathroom.  I panicked.  I ran outside and immediately called my doctor.  The saddest part about being only 5 weeks 2 days pregnant is that it is too early for people to feel any real urgency towards investigating a problem, and despite modern medicine, only so much can be learned or done.  After a 15 minute wait, a nurse called me and asked me to come in for blood work.  5 weeks is too soon for an ultrasound. 

Because I don't work in a private space, I grabbed my things and ran out without saying a word to anyone. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together in front of my co-workers.  I made it to the street outside my car before promptly bursting into tears.  Poor Matt was in the middle of picking up Parker from school, literally sitting in the front office, when I called him.  At that point, in my heart, I knew it was done, despite the nurse telling me she's seen the whole spectrum of scenarios, including a successful pregnancy, happen after bleeding.  I didn't "feel" pregnant anymore.

After talking with the nurse and hearing that nothing would change over the weekend until my blood work to be done Monday, and an ultrasound couldn't happen until later next week, we decided to head to Springboro anyway.  On the car ride, the cramps started picking up, and with every bathroom break, the bleeding got worse.  I will never forget the hollowness and despair that experience instills...knowing that you are most likely literally flushing the remnants of your dream down.  

We both cried as we drove, and were thankfully comforted at times by Parker's unknowing comic relief.  Just like with any pain, physical and mental, it is always worse at night.  I couldn't sleep- I could feel what my body was doing, and couldn't shut my mind off.  I kept getting angrier about the cruelty of how the body does this. I'm still pretty angry.  This morning, I waited for the lab call with answers about my blood work, and with it, got my confirmation.  My miscarriage had likely been set into motion a few days before, because my hcg and progesterone were already showing up as too low to sustain a pregnancy. The phone call both dashed the teeny smidge of hope I had left, and brought relief that I had a definitive answer to my experience. I'm thankful I didn't have false hope until Monday.

This clarity has helped make the bleeding and cramping less traumatic, even though I will be so so thankful when it stops. It is so early that my doctor doesn't even need to see me at all unless my pregnancy test still reads positive in a week.  But two weeks is plenty of time to build dreams in your mind.  I kind of wish the doctor would see me, if only to legitimize the magnitude of what has happened to us.  My first instinct is to compare this to others and say- it could have been worse-- that many people have lost babies - some much much further along, and that some can't get pregnant at all.  It is always my go-to move.  I'm trying to remind myself that avoiding grief by belittling your own experience is not okay. 

I'm trying the best I can to accept, process, and move on.  I'm trying to be renewed for planning and trying again.  I'm trying to stop reading online and memorizing statistics, like the 40+% miscarriage rate with PCOS.  And I'm trying not to be so angry that a horribly cruel event gets dragged out by cramping and bleeding for a week.  The constant reminder of what we've lost is infuriating because it is inescapable.  And I'm trying to navigate how to go back to being a productive human being at what is sure to be a busy week at work.  I'm taking Monday off, less for physical discomfort, though that is real, and more for mental health.  I can't imagine passing blood clots while at work and still being effective in those moments.  

Just like everything in adulthood, there is no rule book.  Do I follow the lead of everyone else, and keep this close to chest? Do I tell my supervisors so they understand my absence at this crucial beginning of the school year time?  How do I hide the bitter taste I feel at the hand we've been given? I have no clue. I hope within a week, the rawness goes away and we can step forward on our journey to complete our family.  And I hope to God that this doesn't happen to us again.  I'm sure that fear won't go away any time soon.

Glencoe Beach

We had a BLAST on Sunday with Parker's cousins, Michaela, Finn, and Noelle, and Aunt Michelle and Uncle Sean.  We went to lunch and then hit Glencoe Beach on Lake Michigan.  It was our first time going to one of the lake beaches near Chicago, and we loved it! This summer has been so hot that the water was actually refreshing instead of frigid.  Parker loved going in and splashing and swimming with his cousins.  We will definitely go back!

Summer Close...

As summer time dwindles, I reach that overly-ambitious time of year.  The (short) time where I am re-energized, ready to tackle the major projects at work and home.  It is the rose-colored glasses time, where I am excited, nervous, and ready.  I always pack in way too many things to do during this time.  Education Twitter chats at 9pm? Sure! Volunteer for another committee to plan an educational conference? Awesome! Join more committees at school? Of course! Ask if there is anything I can do to help Parker's teachers? Why not?! 

For whatever reason, this time of year, I am an especially eager "yes-man" (or more accurately, yes-woman).  I always over-commit and pay for it later in the year (usually Spring, when all projects seem to overlap).  I struggle so much with loving the work that I do and wanting to improve in it, and loving being a Mommy, Wife, and Friend, and wanting to get better at those too.  There simply aren't enough hours in the day for everything!

For this year, it is my goal to find balance.  I hope to try and be more thoughtful about what I volunteer for, and also to not feel guilty when I decide to sit and play a game, read a (fun) book, or watch a TV show instead of doing one of those productive things.  The guilt is what really kills me about being a mom.  Does that ever go away? Probably not.

I'm sure next summer's end will bring a similar post, but I can at least keep trying to prioritize and balance time amongst all parts of my life.

Fun at the Drive IN

One of our most favorite summer activities has become going to the Drive In.  It is a wonderfully nostalgic place that is always full of friendly people and fun times, even if we only make it through the first movie.  

This last time, in an act of sheer lunacy, we brought both dogs with us.  They got TONS of attention and both loved and hated it at the same time.  Not sure if we will do that again :)

It is a nice pseudo date night for Matt and I.  We don't need a babysitter, but Parker usually falls asleep in his car seat by the time the movie starts.  So much fun.

Craziness with Emi

Say "Hi" to Emi! I feel so guilty not writing about her sooner! Somewhere in the evolution of this blog, I've forgotten to post about the just-plain-fun things that we are up to.  In an effort to revert back to this being our FAMILY blog, meet Emi.  We got her on June 30th, in a half-planned, half-whimsical decision.  

When we first got Chase, who, believe it or not, is now 7.5 years old, we had planned on breeding him. Ha. Welp, life happened, and we are never going to breed him.  But, we've always thought that he deserves a friend.  He has been put through a lot in his 7 years.  He has dealt with 3 moves, long distance, a baby (who rightfully took up a LOT of our attention), and very long work days from us.  He has grown into a very loyal, somewhat curmudgeony middle-aged man.  He doesn't do a great job with kids, and definitely doesn't do well with other male dogs.  I got some nasty looks from a mom in the park the other day when Chase bared teeth at her retriever who wanted to play.  Sorry, guys.  I so badly want him to be nice, sweet, and cuddly, but that isn't him. I love him anyway.

Long story long, we really felt like Chase deserved a playmate.  We found a woman in our town who is a dog broker of sorts- she takes a few puppies from a few breeders' litters, and sells them from her home.  We saw Emi the morning of the 30th, and thought she was beautiful, but pretty timid.  We couldn't decide if we should get another Shiba Inu, or get a teddy bear (fluffy, no shedding, lots of yapping, lots of cuddling).  Obviously, you know our choice.  She was unnamed for a few days- but we finally decided on Emi, because it Japanese for "blessing." (Shibas are a Japanese breed).

Chase pretty much hates us right now :) Emi is energetic (though nothing like Chase when he was a puppy), and her most favorite thing ever is pestering him.  His only hope is high spaces that she can't jump to yet.

We love her, and despite the pain it is to train a dog, she is worth our effort.  

Aqua Therapy & Innovative Therapists

I have to give huge shout outs to Parker's therapy team.  Over the last few weeks they have each been especially innovative with Parker in moments of need.  My last post mentioned Ms. Deanna, our Speech Therapist, using aquarium tubing to get around Parker's tendency to bite straws.  Ms. Vicki, Parker's OT, has been using Therapeutic Listening with us to try and give Parker some additional body stability and awareness.  This week, it was Ms. Julie's turn (and her intern, Sarah).  

Every other week, we drive about 20 minutes north to Wisconsin for Aqua OT/Aqua Therapy.  It is a decent production-- the pool is at a HUGE rec-plex, and getting Parker ready for swimming takes some time.  While waiting at the pool this week, Ms. Julie informed us that because of a sanitation incident (aka: toddler poo!), that the pool wouldn't be ready for Parker to swim in until nearly the end of our session.  Instead of just sitting and waiting (keeping Parker still while near water- his most favorite thing - and near a wet, slippery floor would've been hell), or cancelling our session, Ms. Julie had us drive over to the small rec-plex lake, and did OT there.  That's right. Parker got to do aqua-OT in a lake! How fun!

These ladies are responsible for a huge amount of Parker's progress.  When I am ready to throw in the towel, or am frustrated with his behavior, they come swooping in with new, great things to try.

#thankful.

Hearing & Tubes & Straws, Oh My!

 Unfortunately, due to scheduling issues at Lurie, we had to cut out Parker's ophthalmology evaluation to get his hearing test and tubes done before the end of November.  Thankfully, Parker's hearing is normal and the tubes (normal sized this time!) went in wonderfully.  I am disappointed we missed the opportunity to get a really close look at Parker's vision, though.  I just could not risk waiting until November in case Parker had a hearing issue.  Hopefully, they will find another opportunity to do this.  

What we've learned at this point is that we need to work on clear annunciation when we speak to Parker.  He is having trouble distinguishing sounds that differentiate similar words

This summer in speech has really been spent on working with a straw and drinking from a cup.  Parker still gets the majority of his liquids from bottles, which is getting to be taboo for a 3.5 year old.  We are going to schedule a follow-up video swallow study soon to see if/how much progress has been made since last year.  We are really hoping to lose the thickening powder we are supposed to use for Parker's liquids from a cup. 

Our AWESOME speech therapist, Ms. Deanna, came up with an innovative way to get around Parker's tendency to bite straws.  We are currently using aquarium tubing to practice blowing bubbles in liquids that either taste super yummy (chocolate milk, which P has never had before), or colorful water.  After "accidentally" sucking inward a few times, Parker has figured out how to suck in intentionally.  This is HUGE. We are hoping to keep practicing that so that he is able to drink from a straw soon. Look out, Home Depot. We might clear you out of your aquarium tubes! 

The "ack-gack" and "suss"

Parker is learning new words every week, with a major focus on summer time.  This child is so obsessed with getting to school! Every night he asks to get his back-pack ("ack-gack") on and will sit in front of any door.  It has a clip in the front that he is working on trying himself, and he refuses to remove the back-pack for bed time.  I'm pretty sure it is the same size as him!  

He also LOVES the bus ("suss"), and his driver, Miss Pam.  She is such a sweet lady with a hard job! When the bus roles around the corner, I have to be sure to have a firm grip on Parker's hand, because he takes off running!  Thankfully, my feelings don't get too hurt but his excitement to get on the bus (and leave), because when the bus rolls around to drop him off, he starts smiling, yelling, and kicking the bus window.  

We are working hard on getting the beginning sounds of words with him-- repetition, repetition, repetition.  Right now, whenever we stress the "B" sound at the beginning of bus, Parker will say "buh-suss."  When we stress the "M" sound at the beginning of milk, Parker will say "mmm-gohk."  Needless to say, it is a work in progress.

I love this boy.  Even though it has nothing to do with Matt and I, I'm proud of how happy he is all the time.  It is a lesson for all of us to not take life too seriously.  

Thankful.

Tonight was a good night. On this special needs journey, I've discovered that other kids are often more intimidating to me than adults. Kids ask hard, blunt questions like: why can't he talk? what are on his shoes? etc. My challenge is coming up with age appropriate responses and managing the unpredictable, while fighting the urge to protect Parker from any possible pain or cruelty.  There are moments where I just want to whisk him away, and keep him holed up in our safe family bubble.

Tonight, Parker played with a little boy at the park, which honestly always makes me a little anxious. This little boy's sister, who is wheel-chair bound with significant special needs, had enjoyed the swings with us earlier in the evening.  This little girl was so beautiful--like Parker, you could tell that the swings were the best part of her day.  Her Grandma, there with her and her four siblings, was an incredibly happy, larger-than-life woman.  It was energizing just to be near them.

For the first time, I could really say Parker played WITH this little boy, not near him. Parker followed him, mimicked him, laughed with him, and was independent. He went down the big boy slide by himself. This little boy (maybe 4?) waited for Parker down the slide, helped him off the edge and up the steps, and let him slide first -- all without saying a word.

Tonight, I am humbled by a 4 year old. I am solidified in my understanding that Parker (and others with special needs) inspire kindness, empathy, and HEART in us all. And in turn, we get to pay that kindness forward. I love that.

Tonight, I am most thankful for a sweet child who innately looked out for my baby-turned-big-boy.  I hope we see him again at the park soon.  I hope that we meet many more children that have this kindness in them.

I so badly want to post a photo of this sweet boy's face, but out of respect to his family whom I don't know, I'll leave it at this.  Even here, you can see him waiting at the top of the slide for Parker to reach him. I wanted to hug this kid!

Are We Doing Enough?

Today is my only day off this week, and I am still hoping to spend much of it cleaning and catching up on some of the things I haven't done all year, like organizing closets and such (later).  But an article caught my attention today, and drove me deep into the never-ceasing, always-hovering question..."Are we doing enough?"  This damn question haunts me.  All.The.Time.  From therapies, to equipment, to supplements, to activities, etc.  I'm never quite sure if it is the right "stuff."  Nights that we lounge on the couch and watch The Wiggles are barraged with guilt about all of the skills we should be practicing. The guilt never stops.

The challenge of parenting in the 21st century is the endless access to information, opinions, and then some more information and opinions.  I am usually somewhat decent about reading enough to feel informed, and then making an educated decision.   The area of supplements and cognitive research goes outside my comfort zone.  As it is, we debated about using Nutrivene, which is a widely used vitamin powder.  When one of Parker's pediatricians said "If I were in your shoes, I'd be doing the same thing as you" in terms of using it, that was my solidified decision.

We are doing our best to take things day by day, and when needed, weigh the risks and the benefits, and also the opportunity cost of the things we do.  We know that the sometimes 2.5 hours of evening therapy Parker gets a week is at a financial and family-time cost to us, but the benefits of extra practice for him are worth it.  We will continue to be his advocates for life, even when that means making the tough choices and taking some chances.

Summer is within view!

I am just days away from "summer," which in my job, means time to learn, research, and have sporadic meetings and trainings.  I still get a lot of time "off" -but as all teachers know, we are rarely truly off.  In Chicago, summer means going from 62 one day to 94 a few days later.  It gets hard to plan activities, but we will at least be at the pool on those super hot days.

Right now, we are relishing in finally being at the language stage where Matt and I know what Parker is saying, but other people might not yet.  We have waited and worked for so long to get here, though we are just at the beginning stages.  Parker is so interested in speaking (when he wants to), and includes a lot of his own gibberish in the mix.  We are fiercely proud of him.

"Mo" Slide!

Parker has been adding words so quickly!  He has started to mimic us, which we love.    Here are some words he knows and is working on:

More, drink, bye, go, ready, 2, 3, eat, swing, slide, mama, daddy, I love you, hi, Chase, dog (woof), pig (he snorts :) ), cat (meow), monkey (ooh ooh ah ah), sheep (baah), elephant (how does one type the elephant sound?), horse (neigh), bottle, milk, all-done, sleep, coat, poop (HA!), up, down, out, no, walk, stop, and probably a few others I'm not thinking of.

And him asking for "mo" slide and "mo sing" (swing) with his Daddy are favorites!

Cow...Moo!

We are working on speech any time we can.  Sometimes this is repeating animal names and sounds before dinner, sometimes this is just watching videos on letters on mama's phone.  We hope to make everything purposeful, but let's be honest...sometimes the dishes need to get done without 97 interruptions.

We are so proud of our little dude.  He is enjoying learning animal names and sounds--- Excuse the snotty nose in this video. He so rarely lets me video his talking sessions that I have to post anyway :)

Destruction Mode

Man, it is good this boy is cute.  He is in constant demolition mode wherever he goes.  His little hands are into EVERYTHING.  I'm excited that he is exploring and testing boundaries; there are worse things than messes.  But...I'm tired!  The newest fun thing is walking to the kitchen island (which he is now as tall as!!!!) and swiping off anything within reach.  This was first tried with a full (luckily cold) coffee cup -and, being the queen of clutter, I struggle to stop repeating my mistakes.

We are working HARD on redirection and following commands.  We are also working on not raising our voices when we are frustrated.  While Parker is understanding more and more, it is difficult to tell when he understands you and is ignoring you, or if he really isn't processing what you are saying.  We are also struggling with discipline when we know he is ignoring.  Developmentally, time-outs are our best option, but he doesn't understand them well.  He is so easy-going that he often doesn't mind time-outs.  So, most of the time, we re-direct.

Luckily, he is a repetitive kid and sticks with the same few naughty behaviors...currently, pressing buttons on the entertainment system gadgets, throwing insert-object-here (phone, remote, food, etc.), and some others.  He is manipulative at times, for sure.  I see our future filled with 1) Cute smiles, giggles, and hugs to get out of trouble and 2) Mock innocence/fake misunderstanding.  We are just stepping into the smiles now!  Admittedly, there are times when it is hard not to laugh...like when he figured out how to make the ice-maker on the refrigerator work and stood in euphoric shock when they first came tumbling.  It is a work in progress!

Morning Shenanigans

See the story in the post below...

Parker's Favorites: January 2016- Part 2

Okay...got a bit long-winded, there.  P just has so many favorites!  He also has a lot of goals :)  We are working hard on speech, which still includes a lot of signs.  We are realizing quickly that Parker's needs are growing more sophisticated than his ability to communicate them.  We are hoping this helps boost some speech progress.  One major LOVE of his right now is the new heated blanket we bought. If he saw me on the couch with it, he would sign "more"-- but it took me a few minutes to figure out that "more" meant blanket.  So we've worked with him at least on changing his sign to "help," and hope to work on "blanket."  Our issue at the moment is that many signs are similar, so we are working on distinguishing between objects and needs.  We've found that there are some things that Parker will not try and speak because the sign is so efficient for him, like "more" or "eat."  Currently, "All done" is the only sign that he will also speak.  We are making progress, though!

One of our biggest milestones in the last few weeks has been Parker's transition into his "big boy bed."  This has taken us a good 8-10 months to accomplish, so we are pretty excited.  We started late last summer, like many parents--- Parker figured out how to climb out of his crib, and we panicked.  We made assumptions about how well he would do with this transition because he is able to successfully sleep on a cot at daycare during nap time.  We took the side off his crib, added a toddler  rail, and thought all would be perfect.  We were wrong.  The lack of peer pressure at home, our inability to sit with him for two hours until he fell asleep, and the temptation to get up and play did us in.  So, after a week or so, in a move of total exhaustion, we turned his crib around so the tall side faced out, and brainstormed what to do next.  We couldn't come up with anything great-- I even researched special needs beds.  They are fantastic, but often custom made and nearly a thousand dollars.  I just didn't feel like we were at that point yet.  I researched mesh covers, tent beds, cots, etc. At the end of winter break, we decided to try again.  This time, we got a little smarter and re-connected our baby video monitor, and strengthened our bed time routine.  When Parker tried to get out of bed, we gently scolded him through the monitor.  We are about a week and a half to two weeks into big boy sleeping!  He still gets out of his bed in the morning and plays, which is hysterical to listen to, but we'll choose our battles wisely.  See the video below.....last week, I woke up to Parker hysterically giggling just before my alarm went off.  In the pitch black, he was counting, throwing something across his room, giggling, running after it, and starting over again.  Love. That. Boy.

As I mentioned before, we are learning about Parker and what helps him focus.  At home, there aren't a huge amount of things that Parker really needs to sit down, sit still, and focus on.  School and therapies are not like that.  So, we brainstorm methods for helping him sit still.  He loves music, rhythmic stories, bouncing, swinging, etc.  We are experimenting with wrapping him in Lycra to see if it helps him settle.  We are avoiding buying and installing a swing in the house for now...but I suspect that will be in our future.  The child just needs to move.  In OT, they tell us that it is because of his low muscle tone-- his body doesn't feel safe or comfortable in space, and movement helps bring him awareness.  But the tough fact of life is that sometimes, we just have to sit still, so we are working towards that.  He is a tough little man.

Parker Discovers Bowling:

Parker's Favorites: January 2016 (Part 1)

I can't believe we are already in 2016.  In my head, I keep saying (incredulously) that this is the year Parker turns four.  For whatever reason, that starts to signify the exit from baby/toddler land and the entrance into big-boy-ville.  Parker has grown a bunch in the last 6 months.  His head reaches the island in our kitchen, and his baby belly is no more.  His hair(s) grows like weed(s)-- we are down to less than 5 weeks between haircuts before the mullet arrives.  He is ACTIVE to say the least, and so lovable.  We are always in a position to learn about him and from him.  His smile and laugh are contagious, even after he destroys a room, grabs a handful of my dinner and throws it across the table, or growl-yells in a restaurant.  There are times where I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at his earnest face when he is being "bad" -- or really, just exploring his boundaries.  I'm not inherently good at forcing him to do things for himself.  My gut reaction is to baby him and love on him, so it is a test for me to demand his best (and take the time when it is slow).

Parker is still our mellow little guy, but our definition of mellow with him has changed.  Mellow now should really read content.  He is happy most hours of most days.  However, when he was a baby, mellow used to mean calm.  Parker is no longer calm :)  He defines the word busy and very nearly bounces off the walls (more to come on this later).  He keeps us on our toes!  With that, here are his current favorites and goals:

Foods: Parker is picky like his mommy.  He finally likes chicken, as long as it has ketchup or bbq sauce.  He LOVES oatmeal, yogurt, broccoli, Mexican rice, and most sweet treats, which he very rarely gets.  Recently, he started to tolerate eggs, which is new for us.  He does NOT like anything cold, cheese, drinking out of cups, or feeding himself without throwing utensils.

Activities:  Before we realized what was happening, Parker became completely addicted to the iPad.  I think because it is bright and can be held close up, it is something that he can see well.  We try very hard to only play educational or musical shows.  Quite honestly, it is the only reason we can get anything done without it being undone.  We try and sometimes fail at not taking advantage of it.  It is one of our guilty parenting moments, but...mental sanity.

Parker got some amazing(ly generous) Christmas/Hanukkah gifts that he adores.  He has a piano and a puppy-guitar that he loves....because music is his absolute favorite.  When trying to sleep, snuggle, calm, or captivate, music is our go-to.

Parker also likes to MOVE.  He loves being chased around the house, especially when Chase is following him.  He loves to dance and often throws his own dance parties (with or without music) with his shadow or in front of the mirrors at speech/OT.  He LOVES aqua therapy.  In fact, he is at the point where we are keeping him from trying to go under water!