Carry the Banner for your Family

This morning, on my way to the 2nd of two full days of a weekend conference, I was gathering my thoughts for a blog post-- all set to write this evening and just spew the gory details of my family and our luck as of late.  And quite honestly, I may still do that, because even though this blog started as an online scrapbook for our family, it has morphed into a place for me to process my thoughts, and in some cases, unload my emotions.  The complete and total nerd in me views this like the Pensieve in Harry Potter books-- which is essentially a vat of memories and thoughts that are collected to free the mind for other things-- like making it through the day.

"I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form."- Albus Dumbledore/JK Rowling.

However, I spent most of the day staying in sessions with the same speaker, whom grew to really admire.  He made two profound points during the conference.  The first is to change your perspective-- BE the change, no excuses.  He shared a video that I was emotionally unprepared for, which left me nearly crying in an auditorium full of peers.  The point being...we are responsible for our own mindset.

The second is to "carry the banner."  Now in the context of my conference, this meant that as educators, we are ambassadors of our schools and our students.  We represent them, and they deserve us at our best.  Personally, I felt connected to this in that it is easy to complain and feel sorry.  I am continuously adopting the mentality of "it could always get worse," but with 6 ER visits between Parker and Matt in the last 10 weeks, it is easy to lose sight of that.  With the challenges, responsibilities, insecurities, and stress in our marriage, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that Matt and I represent our family.  What people hear from us shapes their opinion of how we function as a couple and as parents.  And though sometimes the opinions of others shouldn't matter, the bottom line is that they do, even when you don't want them to.  

So in the spirit of that mindset, I am trying not to "siphon" my thoughts into my "Pensieve" in a negative, toxic way, even though it may seem that way sometimes.  The whole writing process feels cleansing to me, but frankly, can leave me raw.  And sometimes I wonder if laying out my vulnerabilities on a blog increases my vulnerability when I don't have strength to spare...and am sometimes fearful of the image it produces of my family in our hardest, most imperfect moments.  

My take-away from writing this post and from my learning as a professional is that we should always be willing to grow-- continuously and positively, but that it is okay to stumble and fall...as long as we keep working hard to get up and be better.