Thank You

It was so nice to be with so many friends and family members this past week. We keep finding ourselves saying "thank you" in situations where we can't possibly repay the sentiments and gifts given. The love and generosity of everyone in our lives has been humbling and inspiring. Matt and I have leaned especially hard on our relatives - who have waited on us hand and foot for the last two weeks. So even though these words will never be enough...THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts. We love you!

Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah!

We were lucky enough this year to spend so much of the "holiday season" with our families.  Parker met grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends that might as well be family!  Picture slideshows to come!

Christmas Wish

A few weeks before I had Parker, I saw a group of adults with special needs visiting the grocery store I was in.  A woman, probably in her fifties, was thrilled to be there and obviously had Down Syndrome.  I smiled at her and said hello, and she was very intrigued by me because I was pregnant.  She followed me through the fruit and veggy isles for a few minutes.  I saw her again in another aisle and she stopped again and stared at me with her 10000 watt smile.  I remember thinking how sweet she was, but....and the "but..." is what I can't get out of my head.  But....what kind of life does she live if visits to the grocery store make her day? But....my baby won't have that problem.  But....who takes care of her?  Do they love her? Are they nice to her?

Tonight was my first night in a grocery store since having Parker...and I couldn't help but think back to this experience, since it is now our reality.  I know Parker's childhood will be wonderful.  He is a cute baby, and will turn into a cute toddler.  Everyone loves cute little ones.  

My biggest hope this Christmas is that I can find peace without so much worry, and hold close the fact that the people in his life that love him will always be carried in his heart.....even if the grocery store is the most exciting part of his day. 

Meeting Grandpa

Parker finally got to meet his Grandpa today! Both of them loved it. Grandpa is super awesome at feeding him and calming him...which is not an easy task with Parker's tummy trouble. We are so excited to spend the next week with so many people we love!

Pondering the Night Away

Tonight was a hard night for some reason. We have so many great things going on in the next week that we are so excited about... But there is something about a long car ride that encourages (forces) deep thought.

I started thinking about how Parker is almost 4 weeks old already. He had made such strides! I have to admit, though, that part of me mourns the passed time because it goes by so fast and I can't get it back. Of course, I am also trying to slow down time because I know that once I go back to work, I will only get about 3-5 hours a day with him.

I also started thinking back over the past few weeks. Part of me actually misses being pregnant--and that shocks me because I remember hearing women say that when I was about 38 weeks and thinking they had to be nuts...but I do miss it. I miss having things be simple...I miss not knowing his diagnosis, and I miss being able to keep him healthy and safe so easily. I hate even thinking any of those things.

I keep going back and forth between blocking out the emotional pain of the week of his birth versus the joy of bringing him into the world as ours. Right now, the experience is still mostly clouded by pain and grief, but I hope that one day I will look at it with only peace and thankfulness.

For now, I am so in love with this little boy and our little family. I am so excited for everyone to meet him and to bring in a new year with him in my life.

Emily Dickinson

Hope

 

 

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Holland

From Jordan...we love this...

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

L B S

Parker is finally over his birth weight!  It has been quite a struggle with each feeding taking over an hour (and then there is pumping time!), but it is worth it!  Little man doesn't have to go back to the pediatrician until January -woohoo!  We are also free and clear to travel to Springboro for Christmas.  So Thankful.  I can't wait for him to meet everyone!

Appointments...

The reality of having a child with special needs is attending so many appointments.  I am so grateful for all of the early intervention possibilities available for Parker, but so very overwhelmed by their demands and choices.  Upon diagnosis, the hospital enrolled us in the state's version of early intervention, as well as the private, hospital version.  Both will evaluate him, and then it is basically up to us which avenue to go with.  This includes physical, occupational, and speech therapy...which really start to become important for him around 3 months of age.  

In addition, Parker failed part of his hearing test, and needs to be seen by a cardiologist for his heart.  And until his weight is consistent and stable over time, we will have frequent pediatrician visits.  Needless to say, we will be getting to know doctor's offices and our insurance plans very well...a prospect that brings me a lot of anxiety as a non-detail oriented person.  

Today's pediatrician appointment was so-so--- Parker is still having trouble gaining weight.  Let's hope the next several days get better, and we can get him back to his birth weight!

Tummy Time!

Right now, there are only two things we have been told we can do to help Parker develop and progress.  First breastfeeding, which is becoming the bane of my existence.  Because of his mouth control, it is hard for him to breastfeed, causing him to basically tire out after about 5-7 minutes.

Second is tummy time!  Fifty percent of his awake time is supposed to be spent on his tummy to help strengthen core muscles and head control.  From the first time we tried it, Parker has been able to push himself over onto his back--we finally captured it!  Like all crazy parents, we have been proud of this...even if he sometimes arches his back instead of pushing himself over!  I hate hearing him get frustrated, but know how important it is for him to practice.  The definitions of excitement and a "good time" are much different for us now...and I wouldn't change it for anything.