Thankful.

Tonight was a good night. On this special needs journey, I've discovered that other kids are often more intimidating to me than adults. Kids ask hard, blunt questions like: why can't he talk? what are on his shoes? etc. My challenge is coming up with age appropriate responses and managing the unpredictable, while fighting the urge to protect Parker from any possible pain or cruelty.  There are moments where I just want to whisk him away, and keep him holed up in our safe family bubble.

Tonight, Parker played with a little boy at the park, which honestly always makes me a little anxious. This little boy's sister, who is wheel-chair bound with significant special needs, had enjoyed the swings with us earlier in the evening.  This little girl was so beautiful--like Parker, you could tell that the swings were the best part of her day.  Her Grandma, there with her and her four siblings, was an incredibly happy, larger-than-life woman.  It was energizing just to be near them.

For the first time, I could really say Parker played WITH this little boy, not near him. Parker followed him, mimicked him, laughed with him, and was independent. He went down the big boy slide by himself. This little boy (maybe 4?) waited for Parker down the slide, helped him off the edge and up the steps, and let him slide first -- all without saying a word.

Tonight, I am humbled by a 4 year old. I am solidified in my understanding that Parker (and others with special needs) inspire kindness, empathy, and HEART in us all. And in turn, we get to pay that kindness forward. I love that.

Tonight, I am most thankful for a sweet child who innately looked out for my baby-turned-big-boy.  I hope we see him again at the park soon.  I hope that we meet many more children that have this kindness in them.

I so badly want to post a photo of this sweet boy's face, but out of respect to his family whom I don't know, I'll leave it at this.  Even here, you can see him waiting at the top of the slide for Parker to reach him. I wanted to hug this kid!

Are We Doing Enough?

Today is my only day off this week, and I am still hoping to spend much of it cleaning and catching up on some of the things I haven't done all year, like organizing closets and such (later).  But an article caught my attention today, and drove me deep into the never-ceasing, always-hovering question..."Are we doing enough?"  This damn question haunts me.  All.The.Time.  From therapies, to equipment, to supplements, to activities, etc.  I'm never quite sure if it is the right "stuff."  Nights that we lounge on the couch and watch The Wiggles are barraged with guilt about all of the skills we should be practicing. The guilt never stops.

The challenge of parenting in the 21st century is the endless access to information, opinions, and then some more information and opinions.  I am usually somewhat decent about reading enough to feel informed, and then making an educated decision.   The area of supplements and cognitive research goes outside my comfort zone.  As it is, we debated about using Nutrivene, which is a widely used vitamin powder.  When one of Parker's pediatricians said "If I were in your shoes, I'd be doing the same thing as you" in terms of using it, that was my solidified decision.

We are doing our best to take things day by day, and when needed, weigh the risks and the benefits, and also the opportunity cost of the things we do.  We know that the sometimes 2.5 hours of evening therapy Parker gets a week is at a financial and family-time cost to us, but the benefits of extra practice for him are worth it.  We will continue to be his advocates for life, even when that means making the tough choices and taking some chances.

Summer is within view!

I am just days away from "summer," which in my job, means time to learn, research, and have sporadic meetings and trainings.  I still get a lot of time "off" -but as all teachers know, we are rarely truly off.  In Chicago, summer means going from 62 one day to 94 a few days later.  It gets hard to plan activities, but we will at least be at the pool on those super hot days.

Right now, we are relishing in finally being at the language stage where Matt and I know what Parker is saying, but other people might not yet.  We have waited and worked for so long to get here, though we are just at the beginning stages.  Parker is so interested in speaking (when he wants to), and includes a lot of his own gibberish in the mix.  We are fiercely proud of him.

"Mo" Slide!

Parker has been adding words so quickly!  He has started to mimic us, which we love.    Here are some words he knows and is working on:

More, drink, bye, go, ready, 2, 3, eat, swing, slide, mama, daddy, I love you, hi, Chase, dog (woof), pig (he snorts :) ), cat (meow), monkey (ooh ooh ah ah), sheep (baah), elephant (how does one type the elephant sound?), horse (neigh), bottle, milk, all-done, sleep, coat, poop (HA!), up, down, out, no, walk, stop, and probably a few others I'm not thinking of.

And him asking for "mo" slide and "mo sing" (swing) with his Daddy are favorites!

Cow...Moo!

We are working on speech any time we can.  Sometimes this is repeating animal names and sounds before dinner, sometimes this is just watching videos on letters on mama's phone.  We hope to make everything purposeful, but let's be honest...sometimes the dishes need to get done without 97 interruptions.

We are so proud of our little dude.  He is enjoying learning animal names and sounds--- Excuse the snotty nose in this video. He so rarely lets me video his talking sessions that I have to post anyway :)

Destruction Mode

Man, it is good this boy is cute.  He is in constant demolition mode wherever he goes.  His little hands are into EVERYTHING.  I'm excited that he is exploring and testing boundaries; there are worse things than messes.  But...I'm tired!  The newest fun thing is walking to the kitchen island (which he is now as tall as!!!!) and swiping off anything within reach.  This was first tried with a full (luckily cold) coffee cup -and, being the queen of clutter, I struggle to stop repeating my mistakes.

We are working HARD on redirection and following commands.  We are also working on not raising our voices when we are frustrated.  While Parker is understanding more and more, it is difficult to tell when he understands you and is ignoring you, or if he really isn't processing what you are saying.  We are also struggling with discipline when we know he is ignoring.  Developmentally, time-outs are our best option, but he doesn't understand them well.  He is so easy-going that he often doesn't mind time-outs.  So, most of the time, we re-direct.

Luckily, he is a repetitive kid and sticks with the same few naughty behaviors...currently, pressing buttons on the entertainment system gadgets, throwing insert-object-here (phone, remote, food, etc.), and some others.  He is manipulative at times, for sure.  I see our future filled with 1) Cute smiles, giggles, and hugs to get out of trouble and 2) Mock innocence/fake misunderstanding.  We are just stepping into the smiles now!  Admittedly, there are times when it is hard not to laugh...like when he figured out how to make the ice-maker on the refrigerator work and stood in euphoric shock when they first came tumbling.  It is a work in progress!

Morning Shenanigans

See the story in the post below...

Parker's Favorites: January 2016- Part 2

Okay...got a bit long-winded, there.  P just has so many favorites!  He also has a lot of goals :)  We are working hard on speech, which still includes a lot of signs.  We are realizing quickly that Parker's needs are growing more sophisticated than his ability to communicate them.  We are hoping this helps boost some speech progress.  One major LOVE of his right now is the new heated blanket we bought. If he saw me on the couch with it, he would sign "more"-- but it took me a few minutes to figure out that "more" meant blanket.  So we've worked with him at least on changing his sign to "help," and hope to work on "blanket."  Our issue at the moment is that many signs are similar, so we are working on distinguishing between objects and needs.  We've found that there are some things that Parker will not try and speak because the sign is so efficient for him, like "more" or "eat."  Currently, "All done" is the only sign that he will also speak.  We are making progress, though!

One of our biggest milestones in the last few weeks has been Parker's transition into his "big boy bed."  This has taken us a good 8-10 months to accomplish, so we are pretty excited.  We started late last summer, like many parents--- Parker figured out how to climb out of his crib, and we panicked.  We made assumptions about how well he would do with this transition because he is able to successfully sleep on a cot at daycare during nap time.  We took the side off his crib, added a toddler  rail, and thought all would be perfect.  We were wrong.  The lack of peer pressure at home, our inability to sit with him for two hours until he fell asleep, and the temptation to get up and play did us in.  So, after a week or so, in a move of total exhaustion, we turned his crib around so the tall side faced out, and brainstormed what to do next.  We couldn't come up with anything great-- I even researched special needs beds.  They are fantastic, but often custom made and nearly a thousand dollars.  I just didn't feel like we were at that point yet.  I researched mesh covers, tent beds, cots, etc. At the end of winter break, we decided to try again.  This time, we got a little smarter and re-connected our baby video monitor, and strengthened our bed time routine.  When Parker tried to get out of bed, we gently scolded him through the monitor.  We are about a week and a half to two weeks into big boy sleeping!  He still gets out of his bed in the morning and plays, which is hysterical to listen to, but we'll choose our battles wisely.  See the video below.....last week, I woke up to Parker hysterically giggling just before my alarm went off.  In the pitch black, he was counting, throwing something across his room, giggling, running after it, and starting over again.  Love. That. Boy.

As I mentioned before, we are learning about Parker and what helps him focus.  At home, there aren't a huge amount of things that Parker really needs to sit down, sit still, and focus on.  School and therapies are not like that.  So, we brainstorm methods for helping him sit still.  He loves music, rhythmic stories, bouncing, swinging, etc.  We are experimenting with wrapping him in Lycra to see if it helps him settle.  We are avoiding buying and installing a swing in the house for now...but I suspect that will be in our future.  The child just needs to move.  In OT, they tell us that it is because of his low muscle tone-- his body doesn't feel safe or comfortable in space, and movement helps bring him awareness.  But the tough fact of life is that sometimes, we just have to sit still, so we are working towards that.  He is a tough little man.

Parker Discovers Bowling:

Parker's Favorites: January 2016 (Part 1)

I can't believe we are already in 2016.  In my head, I keep saying (incredulously) that this is the year Parker turns four.  For whatever reason, that starts to signify the exit from baby/toddler land and the entrance into big-boy-ville.  Parker has grown a bunch in the last 6 months.  His head reaches the island in our kitchen, and his baby belly is no more.  His hair(s) grows like weed(s)-- we are down to less than 5 weeks between haircuts before the mullet arrives.  He is ACTIVE to say the least, and so lovable.  We are always in a position to learn about him and from him.  His smile and laugh are contagious, even after he destroys a room, grabs a handful of my dinner and throws it across the table, or growl-yells in a restaurant.  There are times where I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at his earnest face when he is being "bad" -- or really, just exploring his boundaries.  I'm not inherently good at forcing him to do things for himself.  My gut reaction is to baby him and love on him, so it is a test for me to demand his best (and take the time when it is slow).

Parker is still our mellow little guy, but our definition of mellow with him has changed.  Mellow now should really read content.  He is happy most hours of most days.  However, when he was a baby, mellow used to mean calm.  Parker is no longer calm :)  He defines the word busy and very nearly bounces off the walls (more to come on this later).  He keeps us on our toes!  With that, here are his current favorites and goals:

Foods: Parker is picky like his mommy.  He finally likes chicken, as long as it has ketchup or bbq sauce.  He LOVES oatmeal, yogurt, broccoli, Mexican rice, and most sweet treats, which he very rarely gets.  Recently, he started to tolerate eggs, which is new for us.  He does NOT like anything cold, cheese, drinking out of cups, or feeding himself without throwing utensils.

Activities:  Before we realized what was happening, Parker became completely addicted to the iPad.  I think because it is bright and can be held close up, it is something that he can see well.  We try very hard to only play educational or musical shows.  Quite honestly, it is the only reason we can get anything done without it being undone.  We try and sometimes fail at not taking advantage of it.  It is one of our guilty parenting moments, but...mental sanity.

Parker got some amazing(ly generous) Christmas/Hanukkah gifts that he adores.  He has a piano and a puppy-guitar that he loves....because music is his absolute favorite.  When trying to sleep, snuggle, calm, or captivate, music is our go-to.

Parker also likes to MOVE.  He loves being chased around the house, especially when Chase is following him.  He loves to dance and often throws his own dance parties (with or without music) with his shadow or in front of the mirrors at speech/OT.  He LOVES aqua therapy.  In fact, he is at the point where we are keeping him from trying to go under water!

Honor Roll.

So, I have a long commute every day (as does Matt).  Some days, it is more about just making the drive so I can start my day.  Some days, it is about introspection and mentally preparing for the day or week that comes.  Other days, it is about observing my surroundings.  Sometimes, as one would expect, I see the same cars repeatedly.  The other day, I noticed all of the cars that were driving around me that had "My child is an honor roll student at x school."  At first, I just thought about how much  I begged my parents to put that stupid sticker on their cars when I received it.  It was a big deal to me to be on the honor roll, even through college.  But my next thought was kind of a punch in the gut.  Parker will never get one of those stickers.  I know most people come at a thought like that with the "oh, think positively, you never know what he will be able to achieve!" comments, and I appreciate their sentiment.  They are right, I don't know what my little man will achieve.  But I am also being realistic.  Parker shows over a 50% delay in comparison to his peers.  That is unlikely to change to the degree of him making his school's honor roll.  Will he care about this? NO.  It is just an example, which we will keep running into, of where our expectations for our baby have changed.  

And that is okay. 

That being said, I'd love to see a strong movement, like the #ChooseKind movement, take over where kids are equally recognized for their achievements as PEOPLE.  Like being kind and generous to others. Or for being "Green" and environmentally conscious.  Or being active in the community.  There are so many more things to recognize our children for.  I hope that when Parker is at the point in his life where students are working towards academic achievement with purpose, that there are other things that are highlighted just as much.  Because let's be honest... the "Yay, you participated!" awards don't quite cut it.  Let's show kids that we pay attention to more than their grades.