Coping

The journey of becoming a parent is a life-changing one for sure...and having a baby with special needs adds a lot of challenge to that journey.  I have been thinking a lot about best and healthy ways to cope with the devastation that comes with learning your child has a special need, and am still really trying to process whether the ways I have chosen are healthy or not.  My default when in pain has always been writing, hence the blog and sometimes, on days when I need to vent darker thoughts that I am too ashamed to put on the blog, I type or write on paper and just push it away when I am done --almost to purge the emotions and get a little breathing room.  Oftentimes, I just stay busy enough to avoid thinking about it all together.

I will say that I am thankful that the darkest days are a little fewer, and a little further between.  I know there will be phases with this...and the triggers for the teary days will change.  Right now, I get upset thinking about the things Parker will miss...usually after thoughts or comments about college, or hearing about achievements of other people's kids.  I am unjustly terrified of the day where someone makes fun of Parker, and in hearing news stories, the day when we come across someone who is just cruel.  I brace myself for those times, even though they may never come. My biggest coping strategy is just talking/writing through my thoughts and questions.  I have been blessed with family and friends that really listen, and so far, aren't afraid to talk about it or ask questions.  

I am mainly thankful for Parker himself, though.  Looking at him and snuggling with him are what heal me the most.  He contently rolls through each day without a thought towards the label he has been given or the challenges he might face.  He makes me stronger.  He forces me to be a better mom, and a better person.