Our Journey

Even though I have gotten to the point where my emotional, weepy days with Parker are fewer and farther between, every once in a while, I get a swift kick to the heart.  Today was definitely that day.  

One nice thing about my job that I have never had before is the opportunity to go out for lunch.  I decided that it is Friday, nice and sunny, and that I needed a few minutes to myself --so I went to Noodles & Co.  I ended up sitting near this man--a young guy, in his 20's or 30's, who very obviously had Schizophrenia or some similar issue.  He was pacing the restaurant, obsessively arranging the things on the table, talking to himself, and yelling at times.  People were watching him, afraid.  

My initial reaction is what led me to shovel down my food, run to my car, call Matt, and cry.  My initial reaction was...wow, I am so glad Parker has something visible.  I am so glad that Parker has something that people will generally identify and hopefully understand right off the bat.  

Some days, my mantra that gets me through the day is....it could always be worse.  But how horrible does that make me?  To use someone else's challenge and potential pain to make myself feel better.  It took the breathe out of me, and I am guilt ridden.

I reminded myself that this man had to have some kind of independence to be at the restaurant alone, order alone, and take care of himself.  He was clean and put together, and wasn't in any way hurting anyone else.  

I reminded myself that our challenges are our own to face, and while others might have an easier or harder time than us, it is OUR journey that WE own.  We make it positive or negative...and we teach the people around us how to treat our son through our actions.  

My second reaction to this man was to go and sit with him.  Out of fear or scaring him, I didn't, but he will be on my mind for days to come.  I hope desperately that he is happy, and that he has many people who love him and have worked hard to help him be so independent.