Mother's Day 2013

The last 5.5 months have been the hardest, most incredible months of my life.  I have dreamed of being a mother since I was little, so having Parker has been amazing for me.  With our situation, I have found myself leaning on the knowledge, expertise, and overall love of all of the mothers around me in order to care for Parker.  I owe so much to these ladies and the way they support our children.  One of my favorite things is walking into a playgroup and having everyone brag about our kids' accomplishments and support each others' needs and questions.

Mostly on Mother's Day, I celebrate the sheer greatness of the beautiful mothers that are a part of my family.  I can't imagine a better set of mothers to be Parker's grandmothers.  "Grandma" and "Nonna" are inspirations for me every day, and the love they have for Parker is overwhelming.  My mom, "Nonna," is a woman of such strength.  She has been my biggest advocate in my darkest and brightest moments, and immediately became one of Parker's as well.  My mother-in-law, "Grandma," is a woman of kindness, who knows the most positive result of every situation. 

Both of these women already know that Parker will change the lives of everyone around him.

This Mother's Day, I feel such thankfulness for the opportunity I have been given...the chance to raise this incredible little boy.  His mega-watt smiles, chubby-cheek giggle, and big blue eyes are truly life altering.  With him, my heart is living outside of my chest.  He is on my mind every second of every day...and I suspect that will never change. 

Mommy loves you Parker Jonathan....you are the light of my life.

Teacher Appreciation

As a teacher, I know how much "teacher appreciation" really means.  Teachers put in hours upon hours of underpaid, sometimes unnoticed work for kids that they have to eventually say goodbye to.  Teacher appreciation involves the small moments of thankfulness that make all of the time and effort worthwhile. 

This is the first time I have been on the other side of the table.  I now know how truly difficult it is to hand your child over for the majority of their day.  I know how much emotion, trust, and effort goes into being a parent.

In my wildest imagination, I could not have foreseen the admiration and respect and LOVE I have for Parker's teachers.  Ms. Hilary and Ms. Lisa have been the first "outsiders" to walk into Parker's life and love him and believe in him.  He is 5 months old...and they are two
of his biggest fans.  There are truly no words to express how appreciative I am for that...because we don't have room in our lives for anything less.  These ladies have set the bar very high...and have helped me realize that I need to be more trusting of the people around Parker...because you can't help but fall in love with him!

Food...and Mess!

We tried giving Parker real food for the first time yesterday! It was a resounding failure!  He is not at all a fan of any eating that requires work...which means that figuring out a spoon is not on his priority list at the moment.

We began with rice cereal, on the recommendation of our pediatrician.  He hated it!  Although to be honest, based on the smell of it, I would have hated it too.  He spit it out and screamed for his bottle!


Next, we tried pureed sweet potatoes.  Even though he still got a little frustrated with it, he pushed it around with his mouth a lot more and would open for the spoon.  He seemed to like the taste!

It looks like we are in for lots of practice, and maybe a break for some more growing before we really try to get into more foods.  We know Down Syndrome presents feeding challenges, and we really want him to gain as many calories as possible.  

Last Week

The last week has been full of friends...new and old! P and I got to go on a few long walks with Amy and sweet Ryan, got to hang out with our new friends at Gene Rockin' play group on Saturday, see cousins Michaela and Finn on Saturday night, and got to see the Fiedlers and Borkowskis yesterday!  It is so nice to live close to so many people.  If only I could steal away my Cartmell family and my Ohio family...and maybe move us all to the warm beach...then life would be perfect!

I still feel like we were meant to be in Chicago.  I hate the winter, and you can so easily get lost in the crowded shuffle, but there are so many different support systems here that we need --both for us and for Parker.  Matt has his "beer buddies" who collect with him (like wine collectors), and I have the moms I am getting to know, and old friends.  Not to mention the fact that we both have sisters here!  

Now that we have so many support systems with the people around us, and our work lives are reasonably secure, we need to move on to moving.  In other words, we are about to start our quarterly scramble for a new home.  Our apartment is beyond busting at the seams...which we already know, but is basically written on the faces of anyone who walks in our door.  We can't wait to have a house where people can visit us comfortable, with enough space for friends and family to spend the night.  So...that is our next big life change!  

Daddy Time

Parker LOVES Daddy time! They got to read stories and snuggle tonight!

Sunshine

There's nothing like a little sunshine (and baby smiles) to turn a month around! We had so much fun being with family this weekend, and loved celebrating sweet Michaela's 2nd birthday.  We started the weekend by meeting a new speech therapist on Friday, which went well (whew!), along with some sweet treats at Anna Shea for Michaela's pre-birthday fun.  We highly recommend the salted caramel hot chocolate....yum!  

After a quick pediatrician visit Saturday, we went to Michaela's birthday party --the first no-jacket warm day we've really had in Chicago!  Parker got to play with his cousins, snuggle his Grandma, and meet lots of friends who love him.  We topped the weekend off with baby Ryan's baptism, and dinner with the family.  Parker promptly burped after eating in the most silent part of the baptism...which we couldn't help laughing hysterically about.  We are so excited to have the Kelly family near by --we know the boys will be best buddies!
 

We hope for many more weekends of soaking up the love for our little man! 

5 Month Giggles

Our Journey

Even though I have gotten to the point where my emotional, weepy days with Parker are fewer and farther between, every once in a while, I get a swift kick to the heart.  Today was definitely that day.  

One nice thing about my job that I have never had before is the opportunity to go out for lunch.  I decided that it is Friday, nice and sunny, and that I needed a few minutes to myself --so I went to Noodles & Co.  I ended up sitting near this man--a young guy, in his 20's or 30's, who very obviously had Schizophrenia or some similar issue.  He was pacing the restaurant, obsessively arranging the things on the table, talking to himself, and yelling at times.  People were watching him, afraid.  

My initial reaction is what led me to shovel down my food, run to my car, call Matt, and cry.  My initial reaction was...wow, I am so glad Parker has something visible.  I am so glad that Parker has something that people will generally identify and hopefully understand right off the bat.  

Some days, my mantra that gets me through the day is....it could always be worse.  But how horrible does that make me?  To use someone else's challenge and potential pain to make myself feel better.  It took the breathe out of me, and I am guilt ridden.

I reminded myself that this man had to have some kind of independence to be at the restaurant alone, order alone, and take care of himself.  He was clean and put together, and wasn't in any way hurting anyone else.  

I reminded myself that our challenges are our own to face, and while others might have an easier or harder time than us, it is OUR journey that WE own.  We make it positive or negative...and we teach the people around us how to treat our son through our actions.  

My second reaction to this man was to go and sit with him.  Out of fear or scaring him, I didn't, but he will be on my mind for days to come.  I hope desperately that he is happy, and that he has many people who love him and have worked hard to help him be so independent.

5 months

Ah! My baby is 5 months old! Every month on the 23rd, I have two distinct moments. The first is overwhelming love and admiration for my beautiful boy (and amazing husband). Parker makes me a better person every single day. He reminds me of what really matters in trivial situations. It is hard to beat his smiles and giggles.

The second moment, though, is shear panic. Panic... at the thought of him getting older..how selfish! Now, to be fair, I have always been a "baby person." I even though about doing my own infant daycare. But beyond my own ridiculous musings, I feel like the precious months when my boy's life will be easier are rushing by. I am so afraid of his adolescence and adulthood...because I am so unclear on how to support him at those ages. When he is a kid, though still difficult, his needs are definitive...the therapies and appointments are generally automatic.

So I resist the impossible urge to reach out and stop time, and instead, try to reasonably soak up every moment. I come home evert night and kiss his chubby cheeks and stare into his sleepy, big blue eyes and just adore him. Happy 5 months little man!

Cake pictures to come soon!

The Dreaded Day is Done!

Finally, this anxiety-stricken day is over.  On an awesome note, I didn't end up needing a biopsy, because the ultrasound of my thyroid didn't warrant one.  I still need to hear official results after the doctor views my scans, but at least it doesn't mean that my thyroid needs to be removed as of right now.  We will see what it is up to after some blood work.

After that, we made our way to our genetic counseling appointment, which has weighed heavily on our minds for some time.  We learned some important information!  To start, we know for sure now that neither of us are official "carriers" of a translocation (forgive me if I am botching this explanation).  This means that no one can tell us that 100 percent of our children will have a chromosomal issue.  Whew!  That being said, our official risk as quoted by our genetic counselor was 1 in 67, opposed to the 1 in 500+ typical rate.  This seems high to me, but it is definitely better than it could be.  

Interestingly, Parker having two chromosomal issues (double aneuploidy) does not seem to raise our chances.  In fact, it is really the Down Syndrome that increases our chances.  Our genetic counselor was able to use her access to medical journals to provide us with some other cases of babies born with Down Syndrome and Klinefelter's Syndrome (a 1 in 25,000 chance for mothers above age 35).  This was important to us, because as of yet, we have not had access to any other official information related to our situation. 

So, we have a lot of choices to make, though maybe not overnight! Obviously, chances continue to increase as both of us get older.  We will need to find a balance between our age and health, and the years between our children.  My awesome husband told me to think of it practically...if you took 67 pennies, painted one black, and seen how many times you picked up the black one...it won't happen for us again.

Lots of reading and thinking for us tonight!