Happy Birthday to Parker!

This time last year....(Part Three)

This time last year....we were finding out that Parker has Down Syndrome.  I have so many vivid memories of that half hour.  One of the doctors from the pediatric office we chose came in and told us...and in hindsight, it was hard for me to grasp how hard of a job that must be...to tell people something that will totally alter the way they live their lives.  I remember that I felt like he was talking forever...and that I really needed him to leave so I could cry.  I remember bursting into tears, which hurt my C-section incision so bad!  I remember Matt and I separating so we could call our parents.  I could hear him crying in the bathroom telling his mom while I was calling mine to do the same.  I remember holding Parker so tight, in part wanting to rewind to 12 hours before when he was still inside of me so that I could protect him from the world.  

Most of all, I remember the huge waves of love, adoration, and fierce protection that kept washing over me, like I needed to shield him.

Within a few hours, we had family surrounding us near and far, and helping us build our strength and bravery again.  We had about two days of peace...learning about our baby, having our first successful meal; getting to know our baby boy.  My victory on those days being a great milk supply and being able to feel like I could provide for him!

My last day in the hospital and the 3 days after were actually harder for us than the day we found out about Down Syndrome....more to come later!

This time last year....(Part Two)

This time last year, we were getting ready to celebrate Matt's birthday and Thanksgiving!  I had started having what I later realized were contractions that afternoon.  I ignored them for a while, as they were totally atypical compared to everything I had been taught and read about.  They were in my back, and lasted for 3-5 minutes at a time every 15 minutes or so.  They got a bit stronger throughout the day and through the night, but did none of the "get stronger, faster, and longer over time" stuff.  By Thanksgiving dinner, I was fairly uncomfortable during those 3-5 minutes, but kept ignoring them, waiting for a more clear "sign."  How sweet of Parker to let his Mama enjoy Thanksgiving :)


I didn't sleep much that night, and went straight to the doctor the following morning.  It is a visit I will never forget, and one that the office remembers me for every time I go in!  I apparently was already far through the labor process...and went into the doctor that morning at about 5-6 centimeters!  At that point...I realized that November 23rd would be Parker's birthday!  Admittedly, we (and all of the doctors) thought that it would be much earlier in the day than expected, but it still ended up being that day!

I have gotten to the point where I can reflect on memories up to the point of Parker being born with excitement.  The hour before his birth and the 15 hours or so afterwards were the hardest of my life, both physically and emotionally.  Watching his heart rate drop to zero on the monitor with the last few times the doctors let me try to push was heart-wrenching for Matt, I'm sure .  The C-Section itself was anxiety-riddled, uncomfortable, and the meds made it seem like FOREVER.  Matt still tells me, to this day, that it really was only about an hour in total.

Matt could immediately tell when Parker was born that something was "up."  The nurses were huddled and whispering, Parker's cry wasn't the same as the other babies in the nursery, and he even saw the nurses give the sign of the cross in the elevator while transferring Parker to the nursery.  For me, I was totally numb and oblivious.  I hate that I was so out of it.  The whole night was somewhat of a blur.

In those moments, I couldn't get over the fact that Parker had blonde hair, or the fact that it felt like 9348509435834 hours before I got to see him.  I snuggled him as much as I could while recovering that night, and thought of nothing beyond being near him.


Throughout the whole day, Morgan was a complete blessing.  She was there every second, and stuck around until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore after having Parker.  Mom and Dad Preis and Michelle and Sean stayed all day to meet the newest family member.  I was so thankful to be surrounded by everyone, but also exhausted to the core from the whole experience.

In truth, I can't wait for another chance to go through the birth of a baby.  I can imagine how much more exciting it will be the 2nd time around when you know what the end result is, versus completely terrifying.  There is truly nothing like the love a Mommy has for her baby. 

This time last year....(Part One)

The "at this time last year" thoughts have pushed through the flood gates and are just washing over me!  I rocked Parker to sleep just now (3 hours late, thank-you-very-much-teething!), and thought back to all of the emotions I was feeling a week and a day before Parker was born.  I had anxiety about his well-being, not really knowing what was to lie ahead, and such excitement.  I LOVED every doctor's appointment, and relished in the idea of being closer to becoming a Mommy.  I felt such accomplishment with every week of pregnancy I got through.  Six days before he was born, I was told that I "wouldn't make it to the next appointment."  I was so excited, sitting at work, wondering when it would finally happen.  

This time last year, I couldn't have possibly imagined how much richer my life would become.  I love that Parker's birthday is in November...it is the month of Thanks.  There is nothing I could possibly do to express my gratitude and thankfulness that out of all of the people on this Earth, I am the one lucky enough to be Parker's Mommy.  It is the hardest and most amazing experience of my life.

This time last year...I was dreaming of how life would be with my baby boy.  My life is nothing like that one that I was imagining...and on some scarce days, that is hard for me to grasp or accept.  But I was given the life that's meant for me.  And in that life, my baby boy
is everything.  

The Manoni "greats"

Last weekend, Parker got to spend some (long overdue) time with his Great-Grandma Manoni, Great-Grandpa Manoni, Great-Uncle Ken, Great-Auntie Kim, Nonna, Grandpa, Auntie Morg, & Auntie Mal.  That's a lot of "great!"

He got to show off his "scooting" skills, his big-huge smile, and consuming blue eyes!  He got special stories a-la cousin Khloie, and of course, tons of snuggles.

The guys even got a chance to play cribbage together!

We had a great time!

ENT/Audiology October

The reality of life is that we have good days and bad days.  The bad help us appreciate the good.  Today was a bad day.  I am emotionally spent and raw, and would like nothing more than to go home, snuggle my baby, and go to bed, honestly.  I am hoping to write this post as a way of venting so I can move on with my day!

Parker had his Audiology and ENT follow-ups this morning-- which for some reason, we appointments that I thought would be a breeze.  His last ENT visit lasted all of 5 minutes and involved a quick peek in the ears and that was it.  Today was different, and I am not a fan.

For audiology, Parker is old enough to start doing the behavioral hearing tests instead of the ABR test--which doesn't require anything of him.  We sit in a small sound room with speakers and screens on either side of us, and hope that Parker responds physically to the sounds he hears.  If he turns to look towards the sound, a screen flashes colorful lights to praise him.  Out of about 5 attempts, Parker turned to look twice, partially turned once, and ignored (or didn't hear) the sounds twice.  By the end of the test, which also included probing and middle ear testing, the audiologist could said with certainty that Parker doesn't have any moderate or severe hearing loss....Thank God.  However, she couldn't tell if he wouldn't respond to the test because of development or because of hearing, so she couldn't rule out mild hearing loss.

SO, we are going to try this test again in January to give Parker some time to grow and develop.  If he still doesn't respond well, then we will have to put him under general anesthesia and do the ABR.

THEN, we went to the ENT appointment.  This started with the doctor letting us know that almost all children with Down Syndrome have to get tubes because of their ear canals. Because of Parker's shaky history with hearing exams, he thinks it is best for us to move forward with tubes soon--potentially sometime after the next visit.  Since we were expecting tubes at some point, this wasn't a huge shock, but did happen sooner that expected.  This is considered a surgical procedure, though.

After talking with us, two nurses and I had to hold Parker down so the doctor could scrape out his ears.  I know this is by no means a life-altering procedure, but Parker was screaming so badly that he lost his voice. I couldn't calm or snuggle him until it was over...which was an experience that left me teary eyed, shaking, and sick to my stomach.  There is no other torture like seeing your baby hurting.

The appointment ended with the doctor telling us that the tubes procedure would be difficult and may require special tubes because Parker's ear canals are so small.  They are so tiny, in fact, that when the doctor was scraping out his ears, he pulled 1-2 hairs from inside...obviously adding to the screaming that was already happening.  While many would assume this means he is a bad doctor, I trust that he knows what he is doing....he has done procedures and exams thousands of times, and is on the board of and a professor at Northwestern.  Still...not a fun Mommy moment.

Luckily, I had some time before needing to head to my half day of work to cool off, and take some deep breaths.  Now, I am trying my best to focus on work and erase from my brain the sight of my screaming baby, though I think the effort will be fruitless.  

Hoping the next one goes better, and that November's mass appointments (RSV shots, cardiology, neurology, etc.) go a little more smoothly.  

Calendars!

We LOVE the GiGi's Playhouse calendars! Parker is one of the beautiful kids on the "March" showcase!  It is so nice to see our babies depicted in such a colorful, lively, and inspiring way. 

We feel honored to be a part of such an incredible organization...and are so thankful for everything they do for our family.  

These calendars seem like fun, cute pictures to most people.  To us, they give our son a voice.  These pictures are proof that these babies are worth our attention, effort, and support.  

Here's to taking things a step past "awareness" and "acceptance" --and on to support and appreciation.

11 Months

Parker is 11 months old today...the next time a month goes by, I will be able to say my baby has been here a full year!  It is incredible to me that the time has passed so quickly.  My sweet, beautiful boy is racing into toddler-hood.  It is awe-inspiring and heart-breaking at the same time.  Every small milestone is a huge achievement in our house, and Parker never ceases to amaze us with his determination and strength.

As the toddler years approach, I can feel "baby fever" slowly creeping back up --I know (Mom & Matt!) that there is still a lot that needs to happen before we think about baby #2.  And my thoughts about more children are intertwined with some really complicated memories, emotions, and dreams.  I keep picturing a house with little ones running around, but those images are laced with flashbacks from last November and December.  I have so many questions and fears. 

I want to beg God not to make us go through that experience again, while simultaneously wanting to show thanks for what we have been gifted.  I want someone to be able to tell me that our second baby won't have Down Syndrome, while simultaneously asking everyone around us to accept and appreciate Down Syndrome.  These are just a few of the thoughts that get stronger and stronger every day that Parker grows and we get closer to expanding our family.  These are the thoughts that rob me from my time thinking about and appreciating Parker.  And that makes me angry.  Because really, at this point, Parker is the role model for me.  And my life is all about him...which is how I've always wanted it to be from before I even knew he existed.

He reminds me day in, and day out that he should never be underestimated, and that the power of a smile and a snuggle are immeasurable. 

So, for the next month, my goal is to push through every traumatic memory, painful emotion, joyous celebration, and triumphant accomplishment, and allow myself to heal and dream again, and just "get over it."  Instead of looking over my shoulder for the next big blow, I want to look ahead at Parker's future...one filled with many more upcoming birthdays, even more love and excitement, and obviously snuggles and smiles. 

I love you Parker.  Thank you for being so patient and giving to your Mommy. 

Raker Family Weekend

We so loved having the Raker family come visit us (and can't believe it has already been a week and a half since they were here!).  Our beautiful kiddos got the chance to play together, and the Rakers got the chance to explore Chicago post-babies.  Our favorite day was Saturday, when we went to the Shedd Aquarium-- our first time there! Although he and Ansley slept most of the time, Parker loved all of the lights and colors! He was enamored with the dolphin/whale area (as was his Mommy)!  

Parker got to show off his pre-crawl moves, Ansley got try out Rody, and Roby got to ride the train!  Of course, the kids were not the only ones who enjoyed the time.  It was so great to get some adult time with great friends, and I might have been more excited about some of the aquarium exhibits than the kids!

We hope to do this again in years to come!

Great-Grandpa

Last week, we said "Goodbye" to Matt's Grandpa, Parker's Great Grandpa, Leonard Glass.  He was 97 (almost 98!), and lived such a beautiful life.  It was evident by the service and celebration of his life that people adored him.  Everyone will miss him terribly, but we are so enjoying imagining him in heaven dancing with "Honey" --Great-Grandma, eating yummy steaks and sandwiches, and discussing the values of a healthy body and attitude with everyone around him.

Here is a video of his first visit with Parker.  We miss you, Grandpa!