The Constant Conscience Conundrum

HA! Say that one three times fast :)  In all seriousness, though, I really battle with my thoughts on staying at home versus going to work.  As a disclaimer, it really isn't possible for me to stay at home financially, but there are days where I like to fantasize about the idea!  

On one side, I take pride in my professional life.  I work really hard, as does Matt, and we have a lot of student loans to back it up!  I enjoy the days where I feel successful and love learning new things.  Additionally, the daycare at Sears takes great care of Parker.  He gets to interact with other kids in an inclusive environment that is development-focused.  That social interaction is so important!

On the other side, there is so much research (Mommy Guilt) out there about how I can help my baby succeed.  There is the Feuerstein Institute that teaches "mediation" --a middle (wo)man who helps bridge the gap between the environment and learning for children with difficulties.  There is Brain Gym, that teaches the connection between physical movement and left-side/right-side brain development.  There are so many things out there that I could be learning and trying with Parker.  INSTEAD, I am at work taking care of other people's children...a job which I love to do, but am sometimes bitter about.

As a teacher, I see a T-chart of pros and cons in my head.  Don't get me wrong...I know that being a stay at home mom is no easy feat.  I also know that giving up almost 60% of your child's awake/day time every week is a big sacrifice.  

Working and having a successful career is important to me and I have put a lot of time and money into it.  I only hope that I don't look back on this time and wish I had done something radically different.  At this point, I will spend every waking moment fighting for my little man, and learning everything I can to help him, and push others to help him.